Body confidence and bullying

This has been something that I've always wanted to talk about because I've heard a lot of lessons about it and I can't say that any of them helped me in any way. So, this post is a result of 15 years of pure pain and bullying considering my body.

I am not going to lie, I'm not skinny. I'm nowhere near it; I'm 5 foot 8 and I weight 89 kilos and I have size 8 and a half feet. I'm pretty darn enormous, but my body weight spreads evenly around all my body, so it might not seem like it, but I still got bullied for this no matter what I did.

As I said before, I'm 15 years old and I'm not skinny. I can't possibly count all the times that I came home from school and cried like a baby because I've got called something (you name it, I probably got called it; most common ones are freak, geek, fatty and stuff like that). I also had my classmates shout at me: "Hey Katherine, have you ever considered a diet, because nobody will ever like you if you don't." I usually said something like: "Go fuck yourself," and turned around, but inside I cried a little and my heart broke into tiny pieces, because I knew it's true.
I never tried to deny the fact that I'm stronger, I'm not like one of those girls who believe deep inside that they're skinny and decide to wear leggings as pants and they actually turned out looking like a pig in a ballet skirt.
So, my body in combination with being quite intelligent is the recipe for making school hell for you. I mean, I still enjoyed lessons and learning, but it was the time in between that made it hell. During breaks I begged my friends if we could go and hide in the toilets so nobody would see me and say anything. They understood, thank god, and decided to respect my wish.

When you get home and you tell your parents about this, they reply: "Katherine, be the better person and turn away. You shouldn't let other people's words come to you, you should be confident in your own skin, because you're beautiful!"

What the actual fuck, parents and friends and older people and teachers and stuff?

Do you honestly think that bullying will stop if we turn away and ignore it? Are you fucking kidding me or something? The fact that you say nothing to it makes you appear weak and that's even a bigger reason for them to pick on you. So, my advice number one, fight back. Say something. Confront them about it. (I once said to a bully: "Do you have a problem with me? Fuck off, problem solved!" and it actually solved the problem. I have no idea how.)

Everyone keeps on saying to us that us stronger girls should be more confident about ourselves and stuff like that; we hear it on various TV-shows and our friends and parents tell us the same thing over and over again, every day for god knows how long.

But how the fuck can we possibly be confident in our own body when:
  • we have to stare at our more popular, skinny and perfect female classmates who all boys drool over and have perfect figures and are basically just perfect by today's standards
  • we see so many skinny girls in magazines and on TV who we usually look up to (that's why they're called celebrities). 
  • we keep on being bullied about our body at school
  • we can't find any clothes for us to fit in in any normal clothes shop where everyone else shops. 
OK, I think that the last point is improving, because H&M have started the section for bigger girls and the biggest miracle is that I found pants that actually fit me, so I think I can say a huge thank you to H&M for doing that, because now we can find clothes and they are actually quite fashionable and lovely and stuff. Also, C&A exists with clothes for stronger girls as well as the very skinny ones who don't have an eating disorder or something like that. 

But back to the point; we can't be confident about our bodies if we're always bullied for it, and also, I have a bone to pick with magazines and stuff in hope that someone somewhere will see it someday. 

WHEN YOU'LL STOP PUTTING SIZE 0 MODELS ON YOUR FRONT COVERS WE MIGHT FEEL COMFORTABLE ABOUT OURSELVES! Like seriously, today it seems that no girl with a stronger body can make it in film industry or music industry (Adele is an exception because her voice is just like a voice of an angel, but that's it). Also, Vogue and Elle and all those magazines can probably go and screw themselves. You can see in the eyes of all those models on your front covers that they haven't eaten a proper meal in ages. 

That was all I had to say to the media about that, now to bullying, because I'm not done with that. 

Have you ever bullied someone about their body? Have you even laughed at the joke? Have you? If you haven't, you've got a soul made of gold; if you did, you can burn in hell and keep on reading this.

Let me briefly explain to you how a person feels when they're bullied about their body. You make a joke about their fat ass and turn out as the coolest person in the eyes of other people, but in the eyes of the bullied kid, you turn out as the biggest dick on the planet and they'd love to pull your head off (trust me, I'd know). People star laughing at you and you feel completely powerless and you start hating yourself. I can't stress it enough how fucking bad I feel about my body when I hear something like that. Their soul breaks into a million pieces and they feel so powerless that they just want to cry their eyes out. 

That's a very mild version of it, but let me tell you, it hurts like hell. 

Fortunately for me, I have three very good friends who have protected me from those fucking pricks and sometimes even kicked their buts for doing it and I love them so much for that. My advice number two, surround yourself with your friends who love you and are willing to protect you from bullies. The girls I had around me were absolutely incredible and I love them loads for it. 

The worst feeling about being bullied is what people think of you. They think that you go to fast food restaurants every day, that you don't eat any fruit or vegetables and that you don't move around at all. It's the same with the doctors. You have an appointment with them, they give you a long speech about how fat you are and then you know that they think the same as your classmates who bullied the hell out of you.

I have been there and I have to say something; I fucking hate fast food restaurants. I couldn't survive a day without eating a load of vegetables or fruit. I do move around. I've taken up running and I can run about 3/4 of a kilometre without stopping (in my own tempo, but I can do it). Sometimes I dance around my room like crazy to Paramore or Florence + The Machine or whatever, maybe because I had a good day or just because I want to. I was only born stronger and quite big (I was 45 centimetres big and I think I was around 4,5 kilos). Remember that some people haven't gotten fat because of reasons unknown. We've just been born like that. Maybe someone has a special condition that makes them stronger than everyone else. Maybe they have a slow metabolism (I know I do). Think about that before you say anything about them.

Remember that bit at the beginning when I gave you an example of how someone shouted that nobody will ever like me if I don't go on a diet? Well, I can show the middle finger to the person who said that because this happened to me earlier this year. 

In year nine in Slovenia (which is when you're 14 going on 15), we usually hold a ball for the end of school, because year ten is already high school where you separate from your classmates. As I said, it's a ball and we have to team up with guys from our school to have a dance partner. Of course, I didn't have one, duh, classic, because I'm Katherine, the fat loser who couldn't get anyone. 

Well, one day I met up with my friend (one of those three who protected me from the bullies) and we went out for a cup of coffee and stuff. We went to this cafe and she saw her family friends and they sat down and had a cup of coffee with us. With them there was their son, who I won't name, but still, he was there. The first thing you'd notice about him is that he's pretty darn hot and very tall. His parents also knew my parents, because my mother was his fathers' classmate and she taught him maths because he wasn't good at school and stuff and also, he's only 5 days older than me, so we were together in the hospital after our births. 

Anyway, we spoke for a bit and we sooner or later came on the topic of the ball. I, of course, said that I don't have anyone because they're all dicks and smaller than me, for starters. He laughed and said that it's a shame that I don't have anyone. 
Then there was a brief second of silence and then he said if I'd like him to help me. 

First of all, I thought I was going to fall off my chair. Keep it in mind, he was pretty darn hot and popular and stuff and pretty good at dancing and I'm not anywhere near those standards. Second of all, I thought that my best friends' look was going to burn a hole in my eyeballs because she overheard our conversation and third of all I was probably the happiest girl around. 

Blah blah blah, a bit of talking and I said yes, I'd love his help. So basically, I had the nicest and the hottest guy around and keep it in mind that I'm still the fat nerdy kid. 

He one day came to our rehearsals and he walked straight up to me and we spoke about loads of stuff. What he didn't notice (but I did) was the fact that every single popular girl stared at us. Like, they couldn't get their eyes off of us and I have to admit, I kind of liked it. 

Anyway, for the ball, I had the best looking guy, we danced incredibly well and everyone kept on staring at us. Basically, I stole all the show... fucking hell I'm a prick. 

The moral of my story is that my body still didn't stop me from getting a dance partner and it didn't stop me from having fun and it didn't stop me from probably stealing the show (that's really self-concious, I am so sorry). My advice number three: your body won't stop you from doing anything, you'll still achieve good grades, you'll get some friends or (in my case) even get asked for homecoming (that's how the ball's called). 

Girls should be more confident about their bodies, I can agree with that, but it's not going to be achieved in the way that we think it will. I think I applied this blog post mostly on teenagers because I am still one. Here's the thing, you are still growing up and changing your physique, so my advice number four for you: you shouldn't go on any ridiculous diets, you shouldn't wear the identical clothes that the size 0 models do and we definitely shouldn't look up to other people considering their bodies. 

We can beat this with very simple things. We should keep on doing what we're doing and we should start fulfilling our goals, we should do the things that we love and eventually, people will stop caring about your looks and they'll care about what's inside more than anything else. This is actually happening, this is not me bullshitting you. 

And you should also remember that those people who keep on calling you names because of your body will grow up eventually and realise that they were stupid ass motherfuckers. My sister was in the same situation as me (even at the same age) and her then classmates told her how much they regret bullying her. Keep it in mind, they'll grow up. 

But until then, the way to deal with bullies is the following:
  • don't kick the shit out of them (please, I don't want you to get in trouble like I did that one time), 
  • confront them, 
  • seek help from your friends who love you and understand you
  • don't try to lose weight because you're still developing (if you're a teenager)
  • and just remember that your body isn't stopping you from doing anything. (like getting good grades and stuff)
As I said in the beginning, I wanted to write about this for so long that I can't even remember when it started. This is solemnly my own opinion and how would I deal with things like that. Also, I focused mainly on girls, but I think it can apply to boys as well, easily. 
If you have anything else to add, you can post it in the comments below and I'll reply to them when I'll find the time. 

Be strong, my dears and I hope you'll find the power to deal with everything negative that comes your way. 
xxx Katherine

ALSO: one of my favourite YouTubers (Emma Blackery) did a video on your looks and why it doesn't matter and how it won't affect you and your life choices and stuff, so here you go!

                                           Feel Good 101: How You Look And Why It Doesn't Matter


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