It's OK Not To Be OK

There are four types of people in the world; those who don't care about themselves or anyone around them, those who don't give a shit about themselves and worry about everyone else, those who only care for themselves and those who care for everyone and everything around them.

Guess which one I am?

I don't mind the constant feeling of positivity and happiness flowing through my veins; in fact, I've grown quite fond of it. I used to feel really down and without energy most of the time at secondary school, but starting with last year, I've kind of stopped complaining and moaning about everything and just put on a big smile for everyone, letting them know that I was perfectly fine (even if I was dying of stomach cramps).
The reason I've stopped complaining and letting everyone know that I'm in the worst mood is probably because I don't have anyone around me to moan at. I don't mind letting my parents or my sister or my best friend know that I am feeling like the biggest bitch on the planet, but saying it to a schoolmate or roommate? Hell no. No way.

And I guess that is what triggered this feeling inside me. I don't always chose to be happy, it's become more of a reflex. A lot of friends around me have started noticing that after a year of hanging out together, I have failed to have a bad day, not once. I was always happy and smiling and helping someone out without a second thought. I'm constantly thinking that if I will not pretend to be OK, then the world will end or something... and that has kind of started fucking my brain up.

It has started becoming a problem. Because of all the positivity, I have stopped allowing myself to have a bad day, not to be OK. In a way, I have forbidden myself to be a normal human being and to have bad days and by all means, that isn't OK. We're normal human beings, we're moodswingers, we can swing between millions of different emotions in one day and it shouldn't be expected of us to hide them behind a canvas of smiles and laughter.

You need to get the emotions off your back, you need to tell someone everything you're feeling, whether it's hate, anger, sadness, or love and happiness and inexplicable outbursts of complete joy. Because that's what makes us human, that's what makes humanity so wonderful. We shouldn't be afraid or ashamed to show our mood, to show what we're feeling, to let everyone see what's going on inside our brain. That's what makes life so wonderful; seeing inside everyone, knowing what they really mean, what they really think, what they really feel.

If you're that kind of person like me and if you're dealing with the same problem as I am, think of it in this way; by smiling and laughing and helping someone out, you've made someone's day, week, maybe even something longer than that (I won't say life, because that is a bit utopical and very highly unlikely). Imagine how many people that is, imagine how many people you've helped. Now, for once, just for the hell of it, let other people help you.


Because it's OK not to be OK. 


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